I'm sure we all know someone that we really don't care about, but we'd still be obliged to go to their funeral when they die. And they never die when it's convenient to you, it's like their one final F U is to die at the worst time possible and if you don't go to the funeral your family and friends are like what's Steve's deal? He should be here. I can't believe he missed his own mailman's brother's cousin's grandma's death. What an ass. But all I want is my friggin' mail I don't want to form these binding relationships, obligating me to do things I don't want to do. I just want the friggin' mail!

Today I decided to go to Subway to grab some grub. Upon entering I noticed a strange old lady wandering around. At first I just thought she was looking for a place to die. It turned out that the senile old bat was actually trying to do something on her own, bless her heart. After stopping to poop herself a few times she proceeded to cut in line. Normally I would have said something, but I figured she only had a few hours to live. When the girl behind the counter asked her what type of sandwich she wanted, her head nearly exploded. After 10 minutes and 3 colostomy bag refills she finally had herself a sandwich. It was so funny. I wonder if she is still alive.